Had to Be You: Bad Boys of Red Hook Read online

  Pete nodded. “Slater watched as his father shot and killed his mother, and then turned the gun on himself.”

  Now she knew she was going to be sick—and the way her stomach dropped, it was going to be bad. She would have warned Pete but she couldn’t speak.

  “Slater was the only survivor. He was in the hospital for weeks.”

  How does one survive that? It was horrible losing her parents, but it was an accident. She couldn’t imagine how Slater was going to go on now that he knew. Rocki looked for a ladies room but it was too far away; she’d never make it. She took off through the doors to the courtyard and emptied her stomach by a bush.

  When she finished, Pete handed her a napkin and a bottle of water. “That didn’t go well. I’m sorry.”

  Rocki gulped air, trying to stop the flow of tears—tears for the little boy Slater had been and for the man he was now.

  Pete pulled her into his arms. “He’ll be okay. It might take some time, but he’ll get past this.”

  “Pete, how? How the hell do you get past something like that? Those were his parents.”

  “I’m his father, dammit, and that’s what matters. That monster, as Slater calls him, was nothing more than a sperm donor. I raised that boy. He’s strong, he’s successful, he has you and Nicki. He has to come through this. It’s just going to take some time, Rocki. He’s going to need all of us.”

  “I couldn’t reach him.”

  “Look, he thought Nicki was going to die in that lake. That fear obviously triggered the rest of it. Now he just needs time to process it.”

  “What if he can’t? How can someone process something that horrific?”

  “I don’t know, but the human mind is amazing. Look at all the survivors of the concentration camps.”

  “Slater was a baby. He was Cassidy’s age.” Nicki thought of Francis and Patrice’s oldest daughter, Cassidy, going through something like that and almost lost it again.

  Pete patted her back and held her. “He might have been Cassidy’s age then, but he’s not now.”

  • • •

  Rocki sat beside Slater on a hard plastic chair and watched him sleep. She didn’t know what they’d given him, but he hadn’t so much as stirred in the last four hours.

  She’d spent more time in hospital rooms lately than she ever wanted to. With as much time as people sat and waited in these chairs, you’d think they could at least make them comfortable.

  The door pushed open and Rocki wiped the tears off her face.

  Jackson stuck his head in.

  Rocki stood and motioned for him to be quiet, then walked right into his open arms and started crying again. God, she wished she could turn off the waterworks.

  He pulled a hanky out of his pocket and held her chin in his hand, just like their father had every time he’d dried her tears. “Are you okay?”

  “No, I’m not going to be okay until I know Slater is.”

  “I’m sorry, Rocki. No wonder he always looked so freaked out at the hospital. He’s not going to be happy when he wakes up here.” He pulled a chair close to hers and sat, crossing his long legs at the ankle and held her hand in his.

  She just wanted Slater to wake up, but then part of her wished she could get him home before he did. She pictured him sprawled out in their new bed with her draped over his chest, listening to the comforting beat of his heart. She wanted to wiggle her nose and transport them to Chinatown but that wasn’t going to happen. “How’s everyone at home?”

  Jackson smiled and shook his head. “Man, Rocki, you’ve been talking about these people since you moved here, but I always thought you were exaggerating. You weren’t. If anything, they’re even tighter than you led me to believe. Storm is a mess—I guess he lit into Slater before we came back and is now regretting it big-time.”

  “He should.”

  “It looks as if the guilt is eating him alive.”

  It seemed that Jax had more sympathy for Storm than for Slater and that didn’t sit well but she didn’t say anything—it wasn’t worth fighting about.

  “Patrice is clucking over everyone. Francis is running roughshod over the kids and grumbling about sleeping on the couch for life if he pisses Patrice off. Skye is cooking—”

  “She cooks when she gets nervous.”

  “Bree is organizing. She sent me over to your place to get a change of clothes for Slater.” He held up the bag. “How long do they think he’ll be out?”

  “I don’t know but I’m staying. He can’t wake up alone—not after what happened.”

  “Would it be better for Pete to be here?”

  “No. Slater needs me and I need him. God, Jax, I’m so scared.”

  “After you see him, do the guy a favor, give him some space, Rocki. He has a hell of a lot to deal with. He might not want you around when he’s doing it.”

  “What? That’s just bullshit.”

  “No, it’s not. It just goes against what you want. Guys are different. We like to lick our wounds without an audience. He’s not going to be able to take care of you and get his head straight at the same time.”

  “I don’t need taking care of. He does.”

  “No, he doesn’t. He needs to deal with his baggage and that’s a one-man job. The last thing a guy like Slater’s going to want is you treating him like an emotional cripple.”

  “I wouldn’t do that.”

  “You wouldn’t be able to help yourself. Shit, Rocki. You’re a fuckin’ force of nature—you’re going to take a battering ram to whatever walls he puts up for self-protection. You always do.”

  “I love him.”

  “Yeah, well, you might just have to do it from a distance, because, little girl, there’s nothing you can do to fix this. It’s all up to him.”

  “I don’t want to fix him.”

  “Rocki, I love you and I know you better than you know yourself. You spend your life fixing things and people or at least trying to. Pay attention to the signals. If he pushes away—give the man space. I imagine he’s going to feel like a caged tiger at the zoo. Everyone’s going to be watching him deal with something that no man should have to. If it were me, I’d get as far away from everyone I knew as fast as I could, and then I’d lock myself in a hotel room and deal with the fallout on my own.”

  “You’re not him.”

  “I know, but he’s a strong, proud man. He’s spent his life alone for a reason—hell, if I’d gone through what he did, I would have too.”

  “You’ve spent your life alone, Jax; what’s your excuse?”

  He stood up and shook his head. “Oh no, there’s no way I’m getting into this with you. I’m fine. It’s you I’m worried about. I’m going to crash at your place tonight. I think the family would appreciate some space, so head over to Pete’s when you’re done here. Everyone’s worried about you. Patrice left some clothes for you in my room. She said you’d have everything you need.”

  Rocki stood and wrapped her arms around her big brother. “Thanks for coming down.”

  “Call me if you need anything. I’m just going to check on Nicki before I leave. They say she’ll be released in a little while. She’s a lucky little girl.”

  “No, we’re the lucky ones. God, if anything had happened to her—”

  He shook his head. “Don’t do this to yourself. She’s fine. She’s as tough as her father is.”

  Rocki just raised an eyebrow.

  “Shit, Rocki. I knew the minute I saw her. She’s her daddy’s daughter—the resemblance is amazing. She’s got his nose, his smile, his hair, and his walk.”

  “Slater didn’t know about Nicki until the day you came out of your coma.”

  “I figured that out all on my own. Slater might be a lot of things, but he’s not a the kind of man who would shirk his responsibilities.”

  “No, he’s n
ot. He loves Nicki.”

  “She’s a hard kid not to love. Bree asked me to bring her a rock. Why, I don’t know, but I wasn’t about to ask any questions.”

  “Yeah, okay. Give her my love when you see her.”

  “Call me if you need anything. No matter what time.”

  “I will. I just need Slater to wake up.”

  Jax kissed her and held her tighter. “Remember what I said. If he pushes you away, you need to give him space. If you love him, you’ll let him deal with his shit the way he needs to—even if it doesn’t include you. If you really love him, you’ll give him that.”

  • • •

  Slater rolled over and felt a tug on his arm. His eyes shot open. Where the hell was he?

  “Slater, it’s me, Rocki. You’re okay, you’re in the hospital.”

  Shit, everything was so blurry. He felt drugged—hung over. Something happened, something bad. “Nicki?”

  “She’s fine, baby. You saved her. She wasn’t hurt, just cold and wet. They’re releasing her soon.”

  Nicki was okay. Rocki was here. She called him baby in the sweetest voice. He smiled. Momma used to call him baby. He remembered her kissing him good night. “Don’t leave your room, baby. Just stay here. Momma’s gonna handle it.” God, he remembered and when the pain hit, it stole his breath.

  “I’m here, Slater.”

  He looked at her, but she was blurry, either from the drugs screwing with his vision or it could be the tears he was trying to look through. “Rocki?” He pulled her right up on the bed, wrapped his arms around her, and cried like a fuckin’ baby.

  She cradled his head against her chest. “It’s okay. I have you.”

  She smelled like Rocki, like heaven, like home. He’d never needed anyone so badly it scared him. He did his best to stifle his sobs. God, he was acting like a pussy.

  “I’m okay.” He wiped his eyes on her shoulder so he could look at her.

  “I’m not. I need to hold you.”

  Shit, she was crying. What kind of guy cries all over the woman he loves and doesn’t even notice she’s bawling too? “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m so sorry.”

  “For what? For being a hero? Slater, you saved Nicki. You kept it all together until she was safe.”

  “I’m no hero. It was my fault she was in danger in the first place. I almost lost her. She could have died.”

  “Nothing is your fault and Nicki is just fine.”

  He couldn’t look at her. “I remembered everything, Rocki.”

  “I know. Pete told me. I’m so sorry, baby, so sorry.”

  He blinked back more fucking tears. He had to get his shit together. “I’m okay now.” He wanted to hold her forever, but pulled away. “You’d better get off the bed before someone comes in.”

  She held his face in her hands and looked into his eyes and by the look on her face, she’d seen it all. Questions, sympathy, love, and fear.

  “Don’t look at me like that.”

  She looked confused and adorable and hurt—God he’d rather kill himself than hurt her.

  “I love you.”

  For her sake, he wished she didn’t. She’d be better off without him. She should run as fast and as far away from him as she could get, but he didn’t have the balls to tell her that. He needed her. Right now, he’d take what he needed. Tomorrow . . . he wasn’t so sure. He couldn’t think straight. There was only one thing he was certain of, there was only one thing he could promise her—something she should know. “Rocki, I’ll love you for the rest of my life.”

  CHAPTER 21

  Pete opened the door to Slater’s room and stuck his head in, holding Nicki back by her collar.

  Rocki was on the bed and she and Slater were wrapped around each other.

  “Rocki.” Slater’s voice was low and pained. “I’ll love you for the rest of my life.”

  Shit. Pete knew that tone and it sent dread running through his veins thick and heavy and hot like lava burning everything it touched. He was losing his boy—they all were. There was no question, the only question he had was if Slater would ever come back.

  Slater kissed Rocki with a desperation Pete had never seen. He let the door close without a sound.

  Nicki tugged on his sleeve. “Pop, I wanna see Slater.”

  Nicki looked up at him, her big brown eyes showed every emotion. She squeezed the teddy bear Jax had bought her to her chest, held her lucky rock in the same hand, and tugged on Pete’s with the other.

  “Slater’s okay, just give him a minute with Rocki.”

  Nicki leaned against the wall and groaned. “Are they kissing again?”

  “Nicki—”

  “Gosh, Pop. They could be doing that for hours. I just don’t get it. How come it’s okay for them to kiss each other but it’s not okay for me to kiss D.O.G. At least I keep my mouth closed. They don’t—I seen ’em. It’s kinda gross.”

  “Nicki—”

  “Okay, I’ll shut up now.”

  “And whatever you do, don’t talk about the kiss. Okay?”

  “Sheesh—even I know better than that. Slater’s in the hospital. I’ll just file it away in my arsenal for later.”

  Pete laughed. “Do you even know what the word arsenal means?”

  Nicki rolled her eyes. “It was a vocabulary word. Ms. Patrice helped me with it. She said she’s got an arsenal too—but hers is full of shoes and handbags and lipstick—she really loves lipstick. Ms. Patrice said those are female weapons.”

  Pete groaned. What the hell was he going to do with Patrice? Then he laughed. It was Patrice—no one could do anything about that woman. He wasn’t sure if he pitied Francis or envied him.

  He’d had about all he could handle of Nicki’s fascinating commentary, so he knocked on the door and slowly pushed it open, keeping Nicki behind him. “Can we come in?”

  Nicki broke out of his hold and ran for the bed, jumping up and throwing her arms around Slater. “You okay, Slater? I didn’t mean to scare you so bad. I’m sorry.”

  “I’m okay now that you’re here. But if you ever go out on the ice again without permission, I swear you’ll be grounded until you’re my age.”

  “Like I’d ever do that again. I was so scared. But then you were there and I knew it would be okay. You fix everything—even when I mess up bad.”

  “God, Nicki, what if I couldn’t get to you? You could have died. You took ten years off my life.”

  “Huh?”

  “You scared me to death, squirt.”

  “I’m real sorry. D.O.G.’s sorry too. He didn’t know any better—he’s just a dog.”

  “It’s okay. I’m not mad at D.O.G. either.”

  Nicki settled her head on Slater’s chest and closed her eyes. “When are you coming home?” she asked in a little voice.

  Pete rubbed his eyes. Damn, he knew that voice too—tears weren’t far behind.

  “I don’t know, squirt. I just don’t know. But Pop’s gonna be there and Logan and Storm.”

  “But I want you.”

  Pete saw the plea in Slater’s eyes and the tears he held back. Pete cleared his throat. “Come on, Nicki. It’s time to get you home and tucked into bed. You heard the doctors.”

  “Can’t I just stay here with Slater?”

  Rocki rubbed her back. “No, baby. But I’ll stay with Slater and make sure he’s okay. You need to go home and rest.”

  She turned her big brown eyes on Slater. “Please, Slater, tell them I can stay.”

  Slater kissed her forehead. “It’s against the rules, squirt. You go home with Pop and behave. I don’t want to have to worry about you, okay? Can you do that for me?”

  Tears rolled off Nicki’s cheek onto Slater, but she nodded. “You’ll come home soon, though, right?”

  “As soon as I can, Nicki. Now gi
ve me a kiss and go wait out in the hall with Rocki. I need to ask Pop something.”

  “Is it supersecret?” she whispered.

  “Yeah, squirt, it’s supersecret.”

  “You’ll tell me later, right?”

  “Maybe.”

  “All right. Here.” She handed him her rock. “You need this worse than I do. I can lend you my teddy bear too. Jax gave him to me for being brave, but you’re way braver than me. Besides, I have teddy bears at home.”

  “Thanks, Nicki. I’ll keep the rock with me, but you’d better take your teddy bear. We wouldn’t want to hurt Jax’s feelings.”

  “I guess not.”

  “Now give me a kiss and go on out with Rocki so I can talk to Pop.”

  Nicki gave him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek and then whispered something in his ear.

  Pete watched Slater squeeze his eyes shut and blow out an unsteady breath.

  “Me too, squirt, now go on, get out’a here.” He looked over at Rocki. “Take her outside, sweetheart. We won’t be long.”

  Rocki shot Slater a questioning look, hit Pete with one too, then took Nicki by the hand and led her out.

  Slater waited until the door clicked shut. “Pop, you gotta take Rocki home with you.”

  “And how do you propose I do that?”

  “I don’t know. But she can’t be here. Please, Pop. I can’t have her here.”

  “Are you sure, son? Rocki’s not going to understand.”

  “Maybe not, but at least she’ll be safe. I need to know Rocki and Nicki are safe.”

  Pete pulled Slater into a hug. “You might not believe it son, but the safest place for Rocki right now is with you. I’ll take her home, but know this: You will never be a threat to that young lady. Take all the time you need to figure it out. Until then, the only threat you pose is to yourself.”

  • • •

  Rocki kept it together for as long as it took to get back to Pete’s. She slipped up the back steps, ran into the room and lost it royally. She sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. Once she finished, she called Jackson.

  “Hello?”

  The sobbing started all over again.