Had to Be You: Bad Boys of Red Hook Read online

  “Positive. I’ve already eaten, but thank you.” Sure, it was a lie, but he knew better than to stuff anything more down his gullet today. Between the nightmare he hadn’t been able to shake and the fight with Rocki, he’d already had his fill.

  He closed his eyes and pressed his fingers to his sockets, trying to stop the images that ran like a slideshow on warp speed. Pictures of Rocki—too many to process, but all of them indelibly imprinted on his mind—and blurry images and feelings from the nightmare that, without context, made no sense. It was as if he searched for a word on the tip of his tongue. He couldn’t get a handle on it and didn’t know how, or even if, he wanted to bridge that gap. Just thinking about it was enough to set off a fight-or-flight response that he, even while wide awake, had a difficult time controlling.

  When Rocki woke him in the throes of the nightmare, Slater’s first instinct had been to protect her—but from what? From whom? Then he was swamped by a feeling of loss so deep and familiar he had to claw his way out or he’d drown in it. He did the only thing he could do—he lost himself in Rocki. She’d been naked beneath him and seemed to know what he’d needed. She’d been there for him, made love to him—or at least he thought she had.

  He rubbed his chest, the phantom memory of searing pain made the numbness of his scar more noticeable than ever. He had to think about something else. Get the hell out of the wasteland that was his own mind. Focus on the present.

  “So, Grace and Teddy, how long have you worked for Rocki and Jackson’s family?”

  Teddy looked up from the newspaper. “Close to thirty years. We manage the estate, rent out the cottages, and make sure the main house is ready if either of the kids want to come up.”

  “You seem more like family than caretakers.”

  “We are in all the ways that count. If it had been up to Grace and me, we would have kept Racquel and Jackson with us after their parents died, but their uncles had other ideas. It was hard to be so far away from them. Still, we were lucky to stay on. The kids had already lost so much, we didn’t want them to lose the one place they always thought of as home.”

  Grace refilled his coffee cup. “This is the only part of their parents’ estate the kids held on to. We’ve been looking forward to the two of them filling this house to the rafters with families of their own.”

  Teddy took Grace’s hand in a gesture that looked almost unconscious. “We hope you and Racquel will spend more time here now that you’re together. And maybe if Jackson ever decides to settle down—”

  Grace let out an infectious laugh. “Maybe the conk on the head will knock some sense into the boy. He and Racquel always run as fast as their feet will take them as soon as they get close to someone of the opposite sex. Slater, you’re the first man Racquel’s ever brought home. Maybe Jackson will see how much you two obviously care for each other and realize that relationships give you more than just the ability to be hurt. I don’t think the poor boy’s ever gotten over his parents’ loss.”

  Slater took a sip of his coffee to hide his shock. Either Grace saw something he didn’t or she was so far off the beam there was no hope for the old girl.

  “But then maybe it takes falling in love to give them the incentive to take a chance on happiness.”

  Slater inhaled his coffee and choked.

  Grace was smacking him on the back when Rocki slithered down the back stairs.

  Rocki didn’t even look at him. She gave Teddy a hug and then held him at arm’s length. “What did the hospital say?”

  “Jackson’s awake and he’s already giving the nurses a hard time. He’s asking for you, honey. He knows you came home to be with him.”

  Rocki’s mouth was so pinched her lips were turning white. “So he’s okay?” She ran nervous hands through her hair, leaving most of it sticking straight up. It should have looked ridiculous, but it didn’t—not on her. Red, swollen eyes searched Grace and Teddy’s faces, “You’re not keeping anything from me are you? Jackson’s able to move all his limbs. He’s not paralyzed or anything?”

  Slater was just about to go to her, but Grace saved him the trouble, and pulled Rocki into a hug. “Oh, baby, no. We’re telling you everything we know. Slater, help Racquel on with her coat.” Grace held a breakfast sandwich wrapped in a paper towel. “Racquel, you can eat breakfast on the way to the hospital. See that she does, Slater, will you?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Good. Now you two go on ahead. Teddy and I will be over just as soon as I clean up here.”

  Slater held Rocki’s coat for her, doing his best not to touch her.

  Grace handed Rocki the sandwich. Slater could tell by the look on her face, she had no intention of eating it.

  “Are you ready?” Rocki asked, as if he hadn’t been cooling his heels until she got her ass downstairs.

  He waited a beat—hoping she would look at him. Time was up and so was his patience. “I was born ready, sweetheart. Let’s go.” He held the door for her and she stomped out.

  He was back to being the chauffeur. This was just great. He brushed the snow off the Jeep’s roof over the passenger side with his hand, opened the door for her, and then handed her the keys. “Warm up the car.”

  Rocki took the keys without a word. That was just fine with him. He had heard enough out of her for a lifetime.

  He got busy cleaning the snow off. It took her three tries to get the car started. He made a mental note to check the oil before he left town. When he climbed in, he threw it into four-wheel drive, and they drove to the hospital in dead silence.

  Rocki shot out of the car before he cut the engine and hightailed it to the doors. The car was still in the throes of its death rattle as she tossed her untouched sandwich in the trash on her way in.

  Shit. He should have told her to eat the damn thing. He had to double-time it just to catch up with her.

  Slater found Rocki at the elevator, smashing her finger on the UP button.

  “That’s not going to make the elevator move any faster.”

  “No, but it makes me feel as if I’m doing something. Right now, that’s enough.”

  She stepped into the elevator as soon as the doors opened and started abusing the button to the ICU floor, practically daring him to say more.

  “Rocki, I’m not here to upset you. If you want me to wait in the cafeteria, if that would be easier for you, I will.”

  She finally looked at him and damned if he didn’t want to just take her in his arms and kiss her. “Is that what you want?”

  “What I want is immaterial.”

  “Not to me it’s not.” And the way she looked at him right at that moment made him wonder if she was having just as difficult a time separating sex from emotion as he was.

  The doors opened and Slater put his hand on her lower back, and steered her out. “Let’s see what’s going on with your brother. We’ll deal with everything else later. Don’t worry about it now.”

  “I tried to explain and you . . . You . . . You . . . kissed me.”

  “That’s what you said you wanted. Sex, no emotion.” Even though there was more than enough emotion on his side for both of them. “You want a bed buddy. I get it.” He didn’t like it, but he wasn’t really sure what he could do about it except do his best to change her mind.

  “Slater—”

  A nurse came toward them. “Oh good. You’re here.” She gave Rocki a relieved smile. “Your brother’s anxious to see you. We’re trying to keep him quiet—”

  “He’s talking?”

  The nurse’s eyes went wide. “Nonstop. He’s been quite demanding. We’re trying to keep him still.”

  “God, it sounds as if he’s just about back to normal. Unfortunately for you, the words quiet and still aren’t in his vocabulary.”

  “He can’t change the elevation of his head compared to the valve. We’ve been monitor
ing him and raising the elevation of the valve over the last day and a half, and everything looks good. His pressure is almost normal, and we hope to remove the valve late tonight or early tomorrow, but he has to keep still.”

  “Or what?”

  “He could lose more brain fluid than is necessary. The fluid is there for a reason.”

  “Okay, I’ll talk to him. Hell, I’ll sit on him if necessary.”

  Rocki grabbed Slater’s hand, gave it a squeeze, and dragged him into Jackson’s room.

  The bandages were off Jackson’s head, all except for a square piece of gauze covering the incision site close to his hairline. His face bore the colorful bruising and swelling of a man who’d played chicken with a Mack truck and lost.

  Jackson’s eyes opened at the sound of Rocki’s sharp intake of breath. They were the same startling blue as Rocki’s.

  Slater hadn’t noticed it when he’d seen the picture of them together in Rocki’s apartment. He’d assumed the man was a lover, not her brother. He didn’t even want to contemplate what that said about him.

  Jackson’s eyes met his and filled with questions. His gaze traveled from Slater’s face to his and Rocki’s joined hands. “It’s about time you got here. Can you please tell the nurses I need to get up? They won’t listen to me.”

  Rocki strode toward the bed, pulling Slater along with her, and then stopped, staring at Jackson as if she couldn’t believe her own eyes. She seemed to examine him like one would a newborn, checking to see if all the fingers and toes were working and accounted for. She cleared her throat. “They heard you. They just don’t want whatever is left of your brain coming out through the hole in your head. Jax, you’d better stay still or I swear I’ll duct tape your empty head to the bed myself.”

  Jackson’s lips twisted from a sneer to a smile. “And to think I’ve missed you.”

  Rocki reached for Jackson’s hand, and it was as if all the fear and emotion she’d been holding back for the last couple of days broke through the dam.

  Jackson’s smile faltered and turned into a look of sheer panic.

  Rocki crumbled right in front of Slater. She shook, tears and sobs racking her body.

  Slater moved in, not sure if Rocki falling on her brother was the best idea. He wrapped an arm around her waist, holding her up. “He’s okay.” He captured Jackson’s panicked gaze. “Shit, man, tell her you’re okay.”

  Jackson raised his eyebrows and then grimaced. “Rocki, I’m fine . . . well, except for the hole in my head. But they said they’d take the tube out and it would heal over.”

  “See, he’s going to be fine. It’s okay, sweetheart, just breathe.” Slater sat on the chair beside the bed and pulled her onto his lap.

  Rocki curled into him, clung to his neck, watered his shirt, and gulped for air. “I was so scared. I thought I was going to lose him too.”

  “I know.” Slater wished he was one of those guys who carried handkerchiefs, but he wasn’t. He kissed the top of her head and waited for the storm to pass. It was going to be a while, so he just held her close, murmured soothing words, and rubbed her back, all under Jackson’s watchful gaze.

  “I’m sorry.” She kissed the spot on his shirt that covered his scar and he knew she was apologizing for more than just watering his shirt, but he wasn’t sure how much more.

  “Me too.”

  She looked at him, her face all blotchy, her eyes even more red and swollen than they’d been before, and he couldn’t help but think she was the prettiest woman he’d ever seen. “So we’re good?”

  His stomach dipped and something inside him took a tumble. “We’re good.”

  She wrapped her arms around his neck, kissed him, and damned if she didn’t fry his circuits again.

  Jackson cleared his throat. “Does someone want to tell me who the hell you are and just what is going on between you and my little sister?”

  • • •

  Rocki slid off Slater’s lap but didn’t drop his hand. She couldn’t. Slater was the only reason she could hold it together now. She didn’t know why, after all this time, she’d fallen apart, but she had. And just like with everything else, Slater knew what she needed, even after everything she’d said and hadn’t said, and was there for her.

  She took a stuttered breath, wiped her face, and then looked at Jax. “Slater Shaw, Jackson Sullivan. Jax, Slater’s my . . . friend.”

  “Uh-huh. Sure. I might have an extra hole in my head, and it hurts like the devil, but I’m not dumb.”

  “Do you remember the accident?”

  “Not really, but I hear the tree looks worse than I do.”

  Slater gave her hand a squeeze, and pulled her closer. “Why don’t I go so Grace and Teddy can come in? I’m sure they’d like to see Jackson.”

  “You’re leaving?” She didn’t want him to leave.

  Jackson made a face she didn’t think had anything to do with his considerable headache. “That’d be great, thanks.”

  Slater and Jackson looked as if they were having a weird telepathic conversation, the kind one needed a Y chromosome to follow.

  Slater gave Jackson a curt nod. “No problem. It’s good to meet you, Jackson.”

  Jax had obviously lost his manners along with the cerebral spinal fluid they’d drained from his cranium because he didn’t return the sentiment.

  Slater didn’t miss a beat. “I’ll be right outside if you need me. Maybe I can create a diversion so that Grace and Teddy can both get past the nurses.”

  If anyone could, it would be Slater. He could cause a diversion just by breathing. “Thanks. I’ll be out in a little bit.”

  “Take your time. It’s all good.”

  Rocki watched Slater leave and turned on her brother. “You could have said it was nice to meet him too, Jax.”

  “I would have if that’s the way I felt. The guy was all over you.”

  “He was not. He was being supportive.”

  “Supportive, my ass. So tell me, Racquel, what’s the deal with you and Mr. Macho?”

  “Racquel?” He only called her Racquel when he was pissed, and right now he had absolutely no reason to be pissed at her. Rocki couldn’t believe him. “You almost kill yourself and you’re asking me about Slater?”

  “Damn straight I am. I talked to you last week—at least I think it was last week—and you never mentioned you were seeing anyone.”

  “It was last week, and obviously a lot has changed. God, Jax.” She grabbed his hand—the same hand she’d been holding for days. “I’ve spent the last two days expecting you to die. You scared the shit out of me.”

  “I’m sorry. But if it makes you feel any better, it wasn’t a picnic on my end either. You would not believe the scary, crazy dreams I’ve had. It was one long nightmare. I just didn’t know I was dreaming. Even after I woke up, I didn’t know. I had to ask the nurses.”

  He tried to sit and she pushed him back down. “You can’t lift your head.”

  “So does your boyfriend allow you to hug your brother?”

  “It’s not Slater you have to worry about—it’s the nurses. I’ll hug you, but don’t move that thick skull of yours, okay?” She reached over Jax, and gave him a hug. Drinking in the scent of her brother mixed with hospital soap.

  Jax’s arms came around her and squeezed. “I love you, Rocki. I’m really sorry I scared you.”

  “You did. You’re all the family I have left.”

  “That’s not true. You’ll always have Grace and Teddy.”

  The tears started coming again. “I know, and believe me, they’ve been great. But please, don’t you ever scare me like that again.”

  “It’s not in the plans, but it looks as if you’ve been doing okay. So tell me what’s going on between you and curly locks.”

  Rocki pulled away and looked at her brother. “It’s complicated.
”

  The door opened and Grace and Teddy stepped in.

  “There’s nothing complicated about what I saw in that man’s eyes. I’ve just never seen that look aimed at my little sister before. I don’t like it.”

  “Jackson Finneus Sullivan.” Grace’s scolding tone brought a smile to Rocki’s face. “That’s quite enough.” Grace marched herself right up to the bed, leaned over Jax, brushed the hair off his forehead, and kissed his cheek. “I always knew you’d come back to us. Thank the good Lord.”

  “I’m sorry I worried you, Grace.”

  “I’ve worried about you both since the day you were born; it’s a hard habit to break.” Grace clucked her tongue and straightened Jax’s covers. “Still, it doesn’t give you leave to behave badly. Slater has been a godsend to Racquel. He not only dropped everything and drove her here, but he’s sat with her at your bedside for two days. He never left her side.”

  “I can imagine.”

  “Hush. You should be thanking that young man for taking such good care of your sister.”

  “I don’t like the way he looks at her.”

  “I think it’s romantic.”

  Rocki blew the hair out of her eyes. “Would both of you stop talking about me like I’m not even here?”

  Jackson went on as if Rocki had never opened her mouth. “I’m out for two days and when I come to, I see some strange dude has set his sights on my little sister. What do we know about this guy, anyway?”

  Teddy patted Jackson’s leg. “I know his father. Slater was regular navy and served for eight years. When he got out, he went to some high-falutin’ computer school in Seattle and got his master’s degree in computer science. He works in cyber security. The young man has been offered a contract with OPEC. He’s selling them some kind of security program he designed and he also has an offer from Microsoft.”

  Rocki felt as if she were watching a tennis match. “Teddy, how do you know that?”

  Teddy shrugged. “I asked him. You don’t think I’m going to let you get involved with someone unless I check him out first, do you?” He turned back to Jackson. “If anything, Slater downplayed his experience. Did you know he was a chief warrant officer, fourth class? That young man has to be exceptional to achieve that rank in only eight years.”